Labels
Things I have learned about myself through online debate:
1) I am not a feminist, because I am pro-life. All this time, I thought that being a feminist meant I wanted equal rights, but in the end, I guess it's all about abortion.
2) I am not pro-life either, because I believe that mom and baby's lives are equally valuable.
3) I am not smart. Because if I were smart, I wouldn't form my own opinions and instead blindly agree with popular opinion, apparently.
4) I am not moderate, I am an extremist. Disagreeing with popular opinion makes me akin to a terrorist.
and of course,
5) I am a really, really big jerk.
This is so educational.
The above blurb is my status on facebook today. It's funny how many of these blogs come from some sort of argument or debate I've had online - the sort of super-charged issues that I throw myself into in the naive belief that someone, somewhere, might actually pay attention and try to understand... The truth is, the people who agree already agree, and the people who don't... well, they appear to just sort of skim through my postings, looking for ammo with which to net-smite me with. It's completely an exercise in futility, and frustration.
But it's got me thinking quite a lot about these labels we use to describe ourselves. How people don't do well with abstracts and seem to need to pigeonhole everyone into something that makes sense to them... and how much our labels, and language, have lost their meanings.
Take feminism. I have been flat-out told by other women online that I am not a feminist, or that I hate women, simply because I am pro-life. By identifying as pro-life, they feel they can put me in a hole; round peg, round hole. They think they know who I am, what I think, how I live. Just by associating that one label with me. If I tack Christian onto that, hoo boy, I might as well just back away.
Feminism according to the dictionary definition is this: the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.
Now that, that I can get behind. I totally think I'm a feminist, until someone who disagrees with me tells me I'm not. Not remotely. Maybe I'm a discredit to my gender, matter of fact. In fact, I'm probably a self-loathing misogynist. I should be ashamed.
But the funny thing is, realistically speaking, abortion is the furthest thing from an equal rights issue. There's nothing equal about it. It's a women's issue, sure... in fairness it's also a men's issue, by extension. But gender equality? There is nothing that men deal with within their own bodies that is comparable to this. There are no rules, no regulation, no moral standpoint - because the issue just does not exist for men. It's all speculative, the whole "If men could get pregnant it'd be like...." we don't know. They can't. It's all hypothetical. So assigning this to feminism, which is at its core, all about gender equality? It seems just wrong. It's comparing apples and oxygen. Oranges and space. Tuna sandwiches and darkness... or whatever.
On the choice/life issue, I'm floating in some middle void. On the pro-life side there are the ravers and lunatics (as judged by me) who act as if a fetus is God incarnate. That nothing else in life matters except these unborn children. That a woman who has an abortion because of medical necessity is an evil murderer. No. Bull. I can't get behind that.
I've had people call me anti-choice, and I hate that. If I try to point out that that would be like me calling them pro-abortion... well, something gets lost. See, I feel pro-choice. I am all for a lot of choices. Too many to name. I certainly don't feel that women who get pregnant should have to raise that child as a sort of punishment for what they did, like a "You made your bed now lie in it..." a child is a gift. And should be treated as such, not as an obligation, a punishment, a harsh daily reminder...
Of all the choices people make day to day, I support most of them. But not abortion. I'd be called anti-abortion before I'd accept anti-choice. I believe in the right to life. Period. For babies, for moms, for dads. I believe in quality of life. I believe that a person isn't worth more or less for having lived longer, experienced more, needing more, or being more helpless.
So I'm too against abortion for the pro-choice side, and I'm too for ALL life for the pro-life side. Ha.
So what am I? If I throw out a list of labels, do you know me? I'm a stay-home mom. A wife. A political moderate. I'm a Christian. I suffer from mental illness. I'm a college graduate, I'm pro-life, and I'd like to think, truly deep down, I'm a feminist. I'm a friend, a daughter, sister...
All, or most of those will give people some sort of preconceived notion of who I am.
But really, what if I phrased it all different? I believe that religion and judgement are at odds with the Christian church. That religion as a series of rules and tradition is inferior to a real relationship with God. I believe that God calls us to love, not to judge. That I am no better than anyone else, and certainly there are others better than me. I believe that life is precious. That preserving it is important. Not always in a tangible way, but still. I image a world without art, without music. Without beauty. Things that have no tangible worth, yet we assign them great value, why? Because you can't always rate value on functionality. I am a survivor of many things, and I struggle with my own inner demons... truly, but I feel like it's a struggle that I'm winning. And I never regret it, since it's taught me compassion. I think that people are people and all worth the same, even though we are not the same. That women should be seen as men's equal, and vice versa. Just like every room in my house isn't a kitchen, every person isn't the same... but we're all needed, all valuable....
People could stand to examine their beliefs, notions... judgements, and remember that just because someone doesn't agree, they aren't automatically wrong. That people come to their conclusions based on their own perceptions, like the blind men and the elephant.
And yanking a label... trying to possess it is if it's a special club and you make the rules for initiation... wow. No wonder we're all confused.
I don't really know what I am anymore, except me. And I'm tired of using these labels to describe myself when it's all lost in translation anyway. None of it defines me, not the way people seem to think it does...
1) I am not a feminist, because I am pro-life. All this time, I thought that being a feminist meant I wanted equal rights, but in the end, I guess it's all about abortion.
2) I am not pro-life either, because I believe that mom and baby's lives are equally valuable.
3) I am not smart. Because if I were smart, I wouldn't form my own opinions and instead blindly agree with popular opinion, apparently.
4) I am not moderate, I am an extremist. Disagreeing with popular opinion makes me akin to a terrorist.
and of course,
5) I am a really, really big jerk.
This is so educational.
The above blurb is my status on facebook today. It's funny how many of these blogs come from some sort of argument or debate I've had online - the sort of super-charged issues that I throw myself into in the naive belief that someone, somewhere, might actually pay attention and try to understand... The truth is, the people who agree already agree, and the people who don't... well, they appear to just sort of skim through my postings, looking for ammo with which to net-smite me with. It's completely an exercise in futility, and frustration.
But it's got me thinking quite a lot about these labels we use to describe ourselves. How people don't do well with abstracts and seem to need to pigeonhole everyone into something that makes sense to them... and how much our labels, and language, have lost their meanings.
Take feminism. I have been flat-out told by other women online that I am not a feminist, or that I hate women, simply because I am pro-life. By identifying as pro-life, they feel they can put me in a hole; round peg, round hole. They think they know who I am, what I think, how I live. Just by associating that one label with me. If I tack Christian onto that, hoo boy, I might as well just back away.
Feminism according to the dictionary definition is this: the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men.
Now that, that I can get behind. I totally think I'm a feminist, until someone who disagrees with me tells me I'm not. Not remotely. Maybe I'm a discredit to my gender, matter of fact. In fact, I'm probably a self-loathing misogynist. I should be ashamed.
But the funny thing is, realistically speaking, abortion is the furthest thing from an equal rights issue. There's nothing equal about it. It's a women's issue, sure... in fairness it's also a men's issue, by extension. But gender equality? There is nothing that men deal with within their own bodies that is comparable to this. There are no rules, no regulation, no moral standpoint - because the issue just does not exist for men. It's all speculative, the whole "If men could get pregnant it'd be like...." we don't know. They can't. It's all hypothetical. So assigning this to feminism, which is at its core, all about gender equality? It seems just wrong. It's comparing apples and oxygen. Oranges and space. Tuna sandwiches and darkness... or whatever.
On the choice/life issue, I'm floating in some middle void. On the pro-life side there are the ravers and lunatics (as judged by me) who act as if a fetus is God incarnate. That nothing else in life matters except these unborn children. That a woman who has an abortion because of medical necessity is an evil murderer. No. Bull. I can't get behind that.
I've had people call me anti-choice, and I hate that. If I try to point out that that would be like me calling them pro-abortion... well, something gets lost. See, I feel pro-choice. I am all for a lot of choices. Too many to name. I certainly don't feel that women who get pregnant should have to raise that child as a sort of punishment for what they did, like a "You made your bed now lie in it..." a child is a gift. And should be treated as such, not as an obligation, a punishment, a harsh daily reminder...
Of all the choices people make day to day, I support most of them. But not abortion. I'd be called anti-abortion before I'd accept anti-choice. I believe in the right to life. Period. For babies, for moms, for dads. I believe in quality of life. I believe that a person isn't worth more or less for having lived longer, experienced more, needing more, or being more helpless.
So I'm too against abortion for the pro-choice side, and I'm too for ALL life for the pro-life side. Ha.
So what am I? If I throw out a list of labels, do you know me? I'm a stay-home mom. A wife. A political moderate. I'm a Christian. I suffer from mental illness. I'm a college graduate, I'm pro-life, and I'd like to think, truly deep down, I'm a feminist. I'm a friend, a daughter, sister...
All, or most of those will give people some sort of preconceived notion of who I am.
But really, what if I phrased it all different? I believe that religion and judgement are at odds with the Christian church. That religion as a series of rules and tradition is inferior to a real relationship with God. I believe that God calls us to love, not to judge. That I am no better than anyone else, and certainly there are others better than me. I believe that life is precious. That preserving it is important. Not always in a tangible way, but still. I image a world without art, without music. Without beauty. Things that have no tangible worth, yet we assign them great value, why? Because you can't always rate value on functionality. I am a survivor of many things, and I struggle with my own inner demons... truly, but I feel like it's a struggle that I'm winning. And I never regret it, since it's taught me compassion. I think that people are people and all worth the same, even though we are not the same. That women should be seen as men's equal, and vice versa. Just like every room in my house isn't a kitchen, every person isn't the same... but we're all needed, all valuable....
People could stand to examine their beliefs, notions... judgements, and remember that just because someone doesn't agree, they aren't automatically wrong. That people come to their conclusions based on their own perceptions, like the blind men and the elephant.
And yanking a label... trying to possess it is if it's a special club and you make the rules for initiation... wow. No wonder we're all confused.
I don't really know what I am anymore, except me. And I'm tired of using these labels to describe myself when it's all lost in translation anyway. None of it defines me, not the way people seem to think it does...
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