Jumping on the Bandwagon

Along with half of the rest of teh intrawebs, who are angry for one reason or another over... a book.

Not really just a book, but a certain online shopping sites decision first to sell, and then pull this particular book.

And in all fairness, I don't wish to name the book, nor the author, nor the site it was being sold on. I don't want to bring more attention to this particular book than it's already received, sorry. I just want to state my opinion on such things. Anyone reading who's heard about this whole scandal will know what I'm talking about, and for the rest of you, consider your minds spared.

Basically this is a child rapists guide. From excerpts I have seen, I've come to conclude that the author has detailed knowledge of such things, offers a certain code of conduct to follow (for the sake of legality, not so much to spare victims) He writes in such a way that it comes across like a person saying "Your face makes me want to vomit, no offence", all the while expecting you to not actually take offence simply because those two words were tacked on. He explains in detail, for instance, how to make-shift condoms for children under 13, but then goes on to explain that he does not condone such behaviour. It reads to me very much like a general ass-covering, the way gossipers will add "But you didn't hear it from me..."

Now - understandably to me, there was a general outcry from parents regarding the sale of this book. Many went as far as to threaten a boycott. The book was taken down, and then the anger switched sides. Current topic, censorship. There was the good old "If you don't like it, don't look/read/buy" comment made repeatedly. The "panties in a bunch" label was also tossed around quite a bit.

Fair enough?

My feeling is this. I disagree fundamentally with censorship. This was not censorship, in the sense that there was no authority restricting it. What happened here, plain and simple, was capitalism at its finest. The marketplace voted with their wallets, and the company involved caved. There was no government or police meddling (correct me if I'm wrong), nobody restricted sale. The company saw that they stood to alienate a good portion of their customer base, and decided it wasn't worth it over a single book. So to my mind, to be clear: This. Was. Not. Censorship.

Course, like I said, that's basing on my limited knowledge, since I only heard about the whole debacle less than an hour ago. Granted, my research is limited. Anyone reading with extra knowledge to add, I'd be happy to hear.

Moving along. This is a personal issue to me. I WAS a victim as a child. Not just once or twice, and not only with one or two perpetrators. By the time I was 12 I began to feel that I had a neon sign on me that I couldn't see, one that flashed "HURT ME, I LIKE IT". So I have no pity for pedophiles. I don't care about their "suffering", or how difficult it is to live with their "urges". Some days I feel angry, really angry, and I have the urge to punch anyone that comes into my vicinity, but I don't. Because I know it's generally frowned upon, and I'll feel bad for it later. That's what the vast majority does with their "urges".

I play Second Life, where "age-play" is banned. Age play involves two adults, one playing an adult avatar, one playing a child, going through the motions of sexual play. I heard all the arguments then too, there are no "real" children involved (since SL is an 18+ game), it's not hurting anyone, and there was the suggestion that perhaps pedophiles could "channel" in this harmless manner. That maybe it was actually saving children.

My pat response is, bullshit. I don't buy it. I remember watching a documentary on a specific task force built in Canada, solely to track down the creators of child porn and Internet pedophiles and child predators. The details of their work were horrific, to say the least. And the general consensus among this task force was that pedophilia and child porn is a growing problem BECAUSE of the Internet. Because where a pedophile may understand that his particular wants are abhorrent when he's secluded into general "normal" society, give that same predator an online community, access to child porn, and a bunch of friends who feel just like he does... suddenly he doesn't feel so strange. Maybe he's not weird after all. It normalizes the entire concept to him. The more that these monsters are allowed to feel accepted for what they do, or want to do, the more likely they are to go out and actually do it. Age-play provides that acceptance, and so does a guide to child molestation.

The fact of the matter is, children who live through this sort of victimization are scarred forever. It never leaves. You spend years battling to piece your life back together, and years more trying to rid yourself of coping mechanisms that hinder, rather than help, in regular life. You feel broken but nobody can see your pain. To the outside world you appear to be a difficult child, and when you're suffering flashbacks in class or a kid says something that sets you off and your first instinct is to punch him... In 8th grade a boy in my class called me a whore. For no reason at all, I'd zoned out and happened to be looking at him. I saw red. I went home and told my mother that if he did it again I was going to hurt him. Being a victim of child rape means you don't understand normal sexual development and you either become easy or uptight. It means you become guarded and always have the nagging feeling in the back of your mind that anyone who's nice to you wants something. It means never trusting anyone because you're too afraid of getting hurt more. It means be re-victimized every time you have to talk to an officer, go to court, or deal with social workers. It means years of therapy if your family is supportive, or suffering in silence if they aren't. There were times in my life I wished that someone had just killed me. Times when I was painfully suicidal. I felt dead inside, like a zombie. Like I was dead but still walking around.

Knowing what I know, I would always err on the side of caution when it comes to any child predator. Everything is weighed out to me, it's safety against free speech... in this case, safety is more important. No, measures like these won't stop pedophilia, sadly I doubt anything will. But it also won't promote it, normalize it, or facilitate it.

Kids already grow up too fast these days. This shouldn't be the reason they do.